I am nothing. God is everything. I am weak. He is strong. God is the essence of goodness.

A couple months ago Dustin talked about silence. Being silent, emptying your mind, trying to hear God. I respected this idea so much that I tried it that night. Is there really a question as to what I wanted to hear about??? The same thing that has consumed my thoughts and actions for the past four years, nearly. As I knelt I heard a "still small voice" (more of a familiar feeling) that said "Just wait...just wait." I took this as meaning that I would get into medical school. I couldn't really tell anyone this (lack of faith) but I felt somewhat better.

Last night I was lying in bed, thinking. I was in the mood of the summer, which was the "nothing has worked out I hate this crap" sort of mood. Then a feeling overtook me and convicted me. I felt deep inside that I was being taught a lesson this summer. The lesson was that I have utterly failed to see myself as being made whole in Christ. I saw myself as a failure, as incomplete. I sure as hell was not at peace. I realized that before I expect anything good to happen to me I must be thankful that I have been forgiven, that I do not need anything further than this, that I am complete in every way. Done. That's it.

Then a few hours later I found out that I had been asked to join St. Louis University School of Medicine. Wow. It all seems so crystal clear now. Everything makes sense. The wall has indeed been smooth and beautiful. Every conversation. Every hour studying. Every missed opportunity. Every adventure. Every failure. Every success. It's a beautiful puzzle that can only be appreciated when it's done.

Now I can have some fun. Now I can drive the LTD in peace, stay out late taking night pictures, work for Olof, do stuff. Yes indeed. Now I can prepare for the difficult yet blessed road ahead that I am not worthy of.